


Dreamland Wonderland

by Hyungwons



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Because I can, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Psychological Torture, also lots of implied-but-not-really-implied trigger warning type stuff, it's not really said but you might see some stuff hidden behind words and scenes, just a warning, mostly just angst and light happy fun, not actually romantic at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 10:26:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6952918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyungwons/pseuds/Hyungwons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a Wonderland in your dreams, so close your eyes in your darkest times when you feel that no one else is there to save you from yourself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dreamland Wonderland

**Author's Note:**

> I like writing weird angst. I also like writing disturbing stuff and this is no different.  
> I like writing confusing stories as well and I'll be damned if I don't keep it up. But yeah, lots of possible trigger warnings here, depends on how closely you read into each scene.
> 
> Kudos and comments are highly appreciated, thank you!

"Hey. Hey, wake up."

His eyes peeked open slowly and he groaned loudly, glancing around at his surroundings and taking everything in. A field of white lilies beneath him, stretching as far as he could see. A cool breeze blowing against his cheek. The sound of birds chirping in their nests. A beautiful blue sky filled with clouds high above his head. But yet, of it all, not a single person in sight. He stood up, rubbing his eyes of the sleep that still lingered within them and glanced around once more.

"H-Hello?" He didn't know that place at all, and he had not the slightest clue how he could've gotten there. He thought to look around but the field was so huge that he couldn't even see the end of it — and he wondered if maybe it did go on forever. Despite being in such an unfamiliar place with no memory of how he got there, he did not feel worried or scared or lost one bit. And when he turned around, hoping to find something out in the distance, he locked eyes with a girl standing mere inches from him, her eyes unblinking as they stared deeply into his. The girl — with long black hair blowing in the gentle wind — wore a beautiful black and white lace dip-hem dress, a thick white bow wrapping from around her stomach to the back and tied so neatly without so much as tilt. And then there was a beautiful choker with a blue rose in the centre.

He knew something had to be wrong when he did not jump away or scream or feel any sort of fear for her at all, instead he greeted her. Her lips curved quickly into the widest grin he had ever seen and she took his hand in hers. "You've finally returned, Hyungwon! Welcome! Welcome!" 

"'Returned'? I don't even know where I am..."

She frowned at his words, pulling her hands away. "How can you not recognise it?" Her furrowed brows and burning eyes changed into reflecting sadness as she fiddled with the skirt of her dress. "Well...it has been a long time since you've been here, I suppose."

Hyungwon glanced from side to side quickly, wondering if he could recognise that field of flowers. But he didn't, though maybe somewhere he felt he should have. "Where is this, Miss?"

She looked up at him, her smile returning as she folded her hands behind her back and took a few paces back. "Your home!"

He wanted to ask her so many questions about where he was, how he was there, who she was, or what she meant by 'home'. But she had vanished from sight before he could, along with the precious flowers. White clouded his vision; everywhere he turned and looked was painted white. Then there was a voice, that time it was a familiar one, too. His eyes opened and he was greeted to the ceiling of his bedroom and the blinding light of the morning sun peeking in. 

By the window, blurred in Hyungwon's vision by the light, was his boyfriend Hoseok smiling over at him. "Awake finally?"

"What time is it?" Hyungwon groaned loudly as he sat up, reaching his fingers to the ceiling. 

Hoseok pointed at the digital clock on the night-stand and let out a chuckle. "Nearly noon." 

Hyungwon's eyes widened and he kicked the blanket off as quickly as possible, darting for the door. "Shit! I'm gonna be late!" Realising he was forgetting his work uniform, he turned around, ran back in the room and threw the closet doors open. "Why didn't you wake me at ten?"

"Because," Hoseok stirred the spoon inside his mug, sipping carefully at the fresh coffee as he watched Hyungwon run for the door yet again. "It's only nine o'clock."

The loud, pounding footsteps as Hyungwon hurried stopped suddenly just outside the door. With a finger tapping gently at the wall, he turned around slowly to face Hoseok and he saw the smile on his face as he stirred the spoon inside the mug once again. He then took a regretful glance at the clock for the first time. He was right. "Well, look at that... It's nine."

 

 

The whistling of the tea kettle echoed through the small apartment. With hurried footsteps, Hyungwon went into the kitchen and first moved over to the cupboard, taking out a teacup of blue and white colours. The sound of the kettle echoing in his head, he stepped to the side to turn it off while placing the cup down on the counter beside the stove. Just as the whistling faded into a mere whisper before vanishing completely, the shattering of class echoed inside his head next.

His eyes wide and his body frozen in place, he glanced down slowly. There, on the floor just beside his feet, tiny pieces of broken glass spread across the white tiles: The cup had slipped out from his grasp. His mind raced and the echoes of hundreds of worries and fears crept into his head, whispering to him the terrible results that were sure to break him. With a piercing pain shooting through his knee, he found himself on the floor picking up the shattered glass with trembling fingers and tears streaming. His vision blurred by the stinging tears, he couldn't see the fresh cuts on his hands from his clumsy ways of picking up the glass. He threw a hand over his mouth when he felt a whimper nearly escape.

Then he heard it, the worst possible thing that could've happened in that moment: "Hyungwon?" He heard Hoseok's voice call to him from down the hall.

His breathing stopped, his tears and all. His eyes unblinking and his hand still covering his mouth. A hand hung lowly in the air with the piece of glass dropping from between his bleeding fingers. A burning pain in his throat and his heart and stomach both raised into it — he felt like he was going to throw everything up.

 

 

"Hyungwon, I'm gonna head to bed now." Hoseok stood from the couch and looked down at his lover who sat on the floor at the brown coffee table, drawing in his sketch book. "Do you mind doing the dishes tonight?"

"No, it's okay," the younger answered. He closed the sketchbook immediately and put down his pencil. Standing from the carpeted floor, he looked at Hoseok and smiled. "Sleep well!"

Hoseok nodded his head, turned around and headed for the hall. Whispering just before turning the corner, "Goodnight!"

When he heard the door to the bedroom close, Hyungwon sighed and stretched his arms above his head, groaning before letting them drop back at his sides. Rolling up the sleeves of his black button-up shirt, he swiftly moved into the kitchen and over to the sink. There were only a few plates and bowls to wash, but he released another sigh of annoyance — and maybe a mix of sadness too — before turning the water on and grabbing one.

When he was finished, he stared at the clean dishes at the side of the sink and wondered if he should dry them as well. They needed to be, but he was quite tired and the pounding headache that interrupted everything he did wasn't helping much. With a hesitate shrug and a deep breath, he stepped away from the dishes and quickly moved through the kitchen and living room to his bedroom at the end of the hall. Immediately on his bed the moment he entered his room and his eyes already closed, he tried his best to remove the thought of Hoseok and the question of if he'd be upset in the morning that he hadn't entirely done everything he told him to.

 

 

He groaned, pushing himself up with blurs of white and green crowding his vision. He felt so very tired and his whole body felt exhausted. As his mind and vision began to clear, he glanced around at the far too familiar field of lilies with the blue sky and clouds high above his head. A smile tugged on his lips and just when it did he felt all exhaustion just vanish, like it never existed for even a mere second.

When the smile graced his lips he heard something else as well, a voice calling him: "Hyungwon! You came back!" He turned around just in time to see that same girl halt at his side, the blue rose on her choker appearing to glow against the bright and beautiful colours of the field. Her long black hair blew in the wind and Hyungwon noticed a thin blue ribbon tied neatly at the back of her head. 

"Yeah, I came back." He smiled even brighter at her for a moment before glancing around at his surroundings again. There was something else different. Tall trees had grown vibrantly around the field and the flowers stretched even further with so many beautiful colours glowing underneath the sky. "It's gotten somehow prettier! Didn't think that was even possible," he said, chuckling as he turned back to the girl.

Her smile was brighter as she brought her hands together at her back and spun in a circle, laughter filling the air. Her black and white dress and black boots contrasted against the bright and many colours of the flowers, but it was still a beautiful contrast in Hyungwon's eyes. "This place is alive, y'know!" she said, halting with her dress blow behind her against the wind. With her fingertips neatly together, she had her back to Hyungwon and spoke with closed eyes, "Can't you hear it? The trees are singing the most beautiful songs of all; the flowers dancing to their voices. And even the wind sings and protects us," she explained.

Hyungwon said nothing, he just listened and then silence had fallen. He slowed his breaths and listened hard, hoping to hear the voices of the trees and flowers; wind and the sky. There was a quiet whistle in the air, a near whisper of voices. It could have been anything for all he knew, but Hyungwon smiled the brightest smile once knowing that he was able to hear it all, too.

"Do you hear it now?" she asked.

He nodded quickly, almost shaking in excitement. "Yeah! I hear it!"

"It's about time, Hyungwon." She laughed, turning around to face him again. 

At the sound of his name, Hyungwon realised something. "What's your name?"

"Name?" Her head tilted to the side as she stared at him, appearing as though she was unsure what the word even meant. "I..." she paused, tapping a finger on her chin. "Minjung! My name's Minjung."

"Well, nice to meet you, Minjung!"

"And you." She pointed in the opposite direction and spoke, "C'mon, there is this beautiful field of roses I want to show you."

Nodding his head, Hyungwon walked at her side as they both looked over the long stretch of flowers in their path. Silence had fallen between the two, but it didn't matter because they were too busy taking in the sight all around them. Minjung kept taking short glances at him from the corner of her eyes, but Hyungwon never caught them. He didn't notice anything she did, not until he didn't hear her footsteps beside him anymore. 

Stopping and turning around quickly, he saw her standing there staring at him with such sadness in her eyes, and maybe disappointment, too. "Are you okay?" he called, running over to her quickly in worry that she was hurt.

"Hyungwon?" she called quietly, her voice nothing more than a whisper in the wind.

"Yeah? What is it?"

She looked into his worry-filled eyes for a moment before sighing and dropping her gaze to his right arm. "Why do you have a bandage around your arm?"

Hyungwon froze, just staring at her. When she looked back up at him, her eyes begging for answers. "W-What? I don't... I don't know what you mean," he stuttered.

"Don't lie to me, Hyungwon. You might have your sleeve covering it but... Just please don't lie to me."

All that was running through his head was the question as to how she knew it was there and how he was going to work his way away from the topic. "I don't know what you're talking about, Minjung. Come on, don't worry about it! We have to get to those roses, remember?" He smiled brightly at her. Turning around, he was stopped when she shouted at him and grabbed his arm. He gasped from the pain of her grip and the pressure on his arm. But when he looked back at her, seeing the sadness and anger taking over in her eyes, he froze with regret for what he had done.

Minjung reached another hand and rolled his sleeve up. When she started to undo the bandage, Hyungwon screamed at her to stop. She looked up at him again, and she noticed the tears that he was fighting were beginning to fall.

"P-Please, Minjung...don't," he begged, shaking his head in fear. "I don't want to see them again... I don't want to remember...

She felt a pain inside at the sight of him so broken and scared, but she needed to help him right away. "Hyungwon, don't worry. You trust me, right?" She smiled at him, the best smile she could manage. Hyungwon looked at her for a moment longer, his struggles stopping as he wondered just why he did trust her so much. With a nod of his head in reply, he saw a soft smile grace Minjung's lips.

"It's going to be okay, please let me just have a look," she asked. Hyungwon stared at her for another moment longer, saying nothing. Then with a deep breath and another second of hesitation, he nodded his head. When he felt the bandage being removed, he shut his eyes tight and turned his head away.

Dropping the old bandage on the grass, Minjung glanced at Hyungwon one last time before looking back at his arm. Covered in bruises, an ugly mixture of dark red and purple blurring her vision. Nodding and taking a deep breath herself, Minjung held his arm with both hands and ran one gently across the bruises. Her fingertips merely ghosting down the flesh yet she felt him shivering in fear still.

"You can open your eyes now," she said. Hyungwon's eyes slowly opened, and he looked to her immediately but she kept her gaze focused on something in the distance. Bringing his hands up to wipe his tears away, he stopped and looked at his arm, noticing something different: Every single bruise that had marked his arm was completely gone.

"What happened--" He was shut up when Minjung threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. He froze, not knowing how to take everything in that had happened. But he gently wrapped his arms around her too, and she hugged tighter.

"Hyungwon, it's gonna be okay. I promise you, everything's gonna be fine, just you watch," she whispered to him, her voice so close to breaking. When she let him go, she smiled up at him and said: "Now, let's go. We still have to find that rose field."

With a nod of his head, Hyungwon smiled softly at her. He walked at her side, their pace slow as they gazed around at the scenery once again. "Minjung, thank you," he whispered loud enough for her to hear. Looking up at him, Minjung waited until his eyes met hers before letting her lips curve into a smile. All just before she broke into a sudden run down the field of flowers. 

"Race you!" she shouted at Hyungwon who was calling to her from far behind and running to catch up.

 

 

"Hey. Hey, wake up." He heard a voice invading in his mind. 

Groaning loudly, he opened his eyes slowly to find who was calling him. "M-Minjung?" he called out, wondering what had happened. He remembered they had reached the rose field, but there were so many colours, not just red. There were roses of purples, blues, black, even greens and yellows.

"Minjung? Who's that?" the voice spoke again. And through his blurred vision, Hyungwon saw someone moving at the edge of his bed.

"A friend... But, Hoseok, what are you doing here?"

"It's nine in the morning. You have to get up."

Sitting up quickly, Hyungwon groaned loudly from the pain in his head. He had gotten light-headed but that wasn't the reason he had brought a hand to his forehead and shut his eyes tightly.

"You okay?"

"Y-Yeah... Just a headache. I had a weird dream." He chuckled, letting his hand drop to his lap. "Kind of hurts to remember it, though."

Hoseok frowned at him with worry in his eyes. Hyungwon looked up at him, but when their gazes locked he quickly looked away and stood from the bed as fast as he could. "Want some medicine?"

"No, I'm fine. Thanks"

 

 

Hyungwon turned the key in the lock and pushed open the door. "Hoseok, I'm home!" he announced, closing the door behind him and placing his shoes neatly at the side. "Hyung?" he called, wondering why he hadn't heard his lover greet him. At first he thought maybe Hoseok just wasn't home, but when he turned the corner he saw him sitting on the couch, staring straight ahead at the television. "Are you okay?"

"Where have you been?" Hoseok quickly put in, still not bothering to look at him.

"I went shopping after work." Hyungwon lifted the bag in his hand up for Hoseok to see, even though the latter never even glanced at him for a second.

"It's seven o'clock. You said you were gonna be home an hour ago!" he shouted.

Hyungwon shifted where he stood, taking a deep breath. "Y-Yeah... I'm so s-sorry. I won't do it again."

 

 

With the door creaking open and the light piercing the darkness of the bedroom. Hyungwon could see the shadow on the wall as Hoseok looked back at him, but he kept his back to the latter. 

"Did you take the sleeping pills to help?" Hoseok asked.

Hyungwon's eyes trailed over to the night-stand and saw the empty bottle of medication sitting there, almost as though mocking him. "Yeah, I did."

"Okay... Well, goodnight!" Hoseok said as he smiled at his boyfriend, but Hyungwon never saw it.

"Goodnight," he said back just as the door clicked closed behind Hoseok and the light faded with him. Hyungwon stared at the bottle once again, eyeing it longer as though studying every single detail of it. Then with one last sigh, he turned onto his other side at last, staring at the door that Hoseok had left through. He closed his eyes tightly and waited for sleep to take over.

When it did, he found himself in that same field of lilies. Sitting up, he brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, staring up at the blue sky. He smiled at the sight again — it was always impossible for him to not feel amazed by that whole place, no matter how many times he saw it. Then he heard rustling behind him and he quickly turned around. Minjung smiled down at him before taking a spot to sit at his side. In her arms she held a black cat — another beautiful contrast against the vibrant colours of the field.

"I see you're back," Minjung laughed, letting the cat on her lap. It turned in a quick circle before laying down, curling its tail over its head. "I named him Hei," she said, gently running the back of her knuckles down the top of the cat's head.

Hyungwon tickled underneath Hei's chin, causing him to purr loudly. Both Minjung and Hyungwon laughed at the sound of his purrs breaking the peaceful silence of the field. "Now you have another little friend to keep you company!"

"You're not staying?" she asked suddenly, quickly turning her head to look at Hyungwon.

He was caught by surprise with her quick response, and by the slight hint of sadness in her eyes. "W-Well...I have a boyfriend waiting for me at home, too." He let out a laugh to lighten up the mood. But it didn't work. Minjung continued to stare at him, no reaction at all to his words — almost like she hadn't even heard him speak and was still awaiting an answer. "He's my boyfriend and, to be honest, he wouldn't survive without me there," he added, pausing for a moment to bring his arms behind him and lean on his wrists. "You'd like him! His name's Hoseok. He can be a bit conceited and maybe a bit of an ass at times, but he's nice."

Minjung looked away quickly and said: "I don't like him." Her expression was blank but she let her hand drop at her side and Hei looked up at her when the pets stopped so suddenly.

"Huh? Why not?" Hyungwon asked, looking at her worriedly. However, she didn't even glance at him from the corner of her eyes, let alone answer him. "Why not?" he asked again in a slightly raised tone with worry quickly slipping through.

Minjung turned her gaze in the opposite direction of Hyungwon and smiled to herself. "Look," she pointed at one of the many deer far, far away sniffing at the flowers, "you didn't notice all the new life that came here, did you? Little Hei here, though, he's my--"

"Minjung, please tell me: Why not? Why don't you like Hoseok?" Hyungwon interrupted her.

She finally looked at him and studied his expression for a moment before a smile had formed. "I have my reasons," she replied at last. Hyungwon chuckled lowly as he looked down at his lap, nodding in agreement with a smile across his face. "But besides, you have more bruises, don't you?" He looked at her again, his brows furrowed and his lips slightly parted. He tried to find the right words, but nothing would ever come. "If you trust me, I'll help you with them again."

Hyungwon stared at her for a moment, their gazes locked as he wondered what to do. He did trust her, but showing anyone the bruises was always his biggest fear and his darkest secret. But despite all that, he still nodded with only slight hesitation in between. Minjung took hold of his arm and rolled his sleeve up, tracing all the dark bruises with eyes filled with such pity and hatred. Like the time before, she ran her hand down his arm, gently running across the dark reds and purples only for there to be no more when she let him go.

"There we go! All better!" She grinned widely at him again as he stared in awe at his arm and the work she had done.

"Thank you so much!" He threw his arms around her neck and pulled her into a tight hug. Hei, who was still sitting on her lap, quickly looked up at the two with wide eyes and ears pointed back. Hyungwon immediately pulled away and they both laughed at Hei's reaction. "Oops, sorry there. I forgot you were still here."

After petting Hei's head to calm him down — and once he rested his head on his paws once more — Minjung looked back over at Hyungwon and asked: "Are you really not gonna stay with us? We could use the company."

Her question repeated in Hyungwon's head over and over again as he considered it. He'd love to stay with them in that beautiful, breath-taking field of flowers, but what about Hoseok? Hyungwon thought about if Hoseok would be lonely, and he felt a little bit of regret mixed with pity. Hoseok would be fine on his own, right?

Then Minjung asked, she said something that stuck with Hyungwon forever: "How did he never even notice the bruises?"

That was it, that was the question that made Hyungwon shoot up onto his feet quickly, his hands on his waist. He looked down at Minjung and Hei and extended a hand to her. "Come on." Before she could ask why or even reach for his hand, he continued, "We're going to that field of roses. The one with every colour and shade you could possibly imagine!" His grin had never been so wide until then. Minjung grabbed his hand and lifted Hei into her arm, disturbing his sleep. Both standing at last, Hyungwon nodded his head. "Because I'm staying."

"And Hoseok?" she questioned.

"Let's hurry," Hyungwon ignored the question as he began to walk in the direction of the roses. At least, he had hoped he was going in the right direction, but Minjung never stopped him.

Minjung didn't persist, instead she nodded and smiled on ahead, Hei sleeping once again in her arms. "Thank you." Hyungwon looked at her walking at his side and nodded. Then he laughed loudly and raced quickly on ahead of the two. Minjung smile dropped as she halted and watched Hyungwon for a moment longer. She giggled and placed Hei on the grass beside her. Looking down at him with her bright smile, she quickly gave chase to Hyungwon, her long black hair and dress blowing so gracefully behind her. At her side, Hei ran with her as they all raced to the field of roses, laughter filling the air and the voices of the trees, flowers, and wind all singing along.


End file.
